I have recently taken a hiatus from Facebook. JG and I do share our Facebook strictly out of convenience. One of us would get to busy and say to the other “so and so is going to be writing me back, can you please check and let me know”. It just felt as if we both had two separate Facebook, so out of convenience we decided, “hey lets just combine”. So no, before you start thinking “trust issues” it was not that by any means. But I do love the occasional, mmm how should I state this…. occasional, assumption that it all has to do with trust. Nope in our case just convenience. So this is why I started this blog! Its hard with a shared facebook to express some things.
We all know that there are cancer awareness groups, any kind of disorder awareness groups… basically any thing can become a awareness that we all need to be alerted to.
Well, here’s my personal take on Pregnancy Awareness…. “Pregnancy Awareness?” one might ask with puzzling intruge. This is an awareness that I have become completely aware of with in the last 10 years. It is more like the pregnancy/baby is more of an accessory rather than a child they made for themselves to teach, grow, empower. I have a take on this, and not to offend all pregnant women out there, or moms, but I do have to say you all have made it painfully obvious that:
1. You have in fact become pregnant – within 24 hours there can be 10 different posts with the pee stick as a picture to announce… (don’t forget the announcement pictures you will take and post. As well as the maternity pictures and the at home photography pictures you take of yourselves daily.)
2. You in fact have doctor appointments that you always check in and out of. While you are there you are also posting word for word what the doctor is telling you while feeling so blessed.
3. You in fact let the world know how far a long you are every week, when the baby moved, when you get tired of being pregnant, everything you receive from a baby shower or two and how you hormones control your man.
4. Lastly, (Although I’m sure it’s not the last thing I can think of) you in fact inform us all of the fact that you’re at the hospital giving birth as you’re making your Facebook pages.
Then there is the I just gave birth awareness that I tend to notice all so well. What’s the “I just gave birth awareness” you ask? Well, it is this:
1. You post every picture you can from your own private birthing room. Even before the baby is wiped off. Even before you can catch your own breath you have posted all of the baby’s info. Like, how long, weight, birth time (Although we have all been glued to our screens waiting for you to posts those pictures, so I’m pretty sure I know already a round about time), ect.
2. You post every picture you take from the time you leave the hospital to the 3 year mark… including how many outfits a day, how many time they ate that day, how many diapers, how much sleep you both and baby have had, how you can’t get enough sleep. Usually after age 3 we don’t hear anything about little Johnny until its time to start school. Then nothing after that until they have some kind of accomplishment be it sports, scholastic, or some type of performance. Then we see a posting of Johnny going to prom with his little girlfriend and then graduation.
3. Last but not least the next status update we get is Ohhh Johnny and his new bride are married and having a baby of their own. And the cycle starts all over only you’re the grandmother now. Does Johnny and his bride do the same??
This is what I mean about Pregnancy Awareness. Everything I say is with all due respect. But my disclaimer is and always will be – If you haven’t experienced infertility, then you have no idea how it feels to read announcement after announcement with out getting jealous, angry, or even sometimes enraged! I have even gotten so enraged at teen girls getting pregnant and having TV shows. Reason being – I did everything right, I used protection in high school – I had one boyfriend through out high school – I have never been a sleep around type of girl – I got married before trying to have kids – I waited after 1 year of marriage, almost 2 years before I started to even try having a child. I get enraged with the mothers who kill – That is what I mean by enraged. Not that someone is on their 4th child -LOL That’s just me being jealous and anger coming in to play…..
Now lets talk about an awareness that really needs to be looked at. Infertility Awareness…. Meaning the inability to get pregnant for any given reason. With the Pregnancy Awareness every woman who in fact becomes pregnant gets congratulated by people they haven’t talked to in years (I do participate in this because yes it is a great accomplishment). But I have found myself removing people I am just acquaintances with from Facebook because they are on their 3rd, 4th, ect. Again, my jealousy and anger. But I have come to terms with that and it shall not change. I’ve tried.
But then comes the “welcome to the mommy club, it’s nothing like you have ever experience before.”, “it’s such a miracal of life, you’ll never know a love like it.”
That feeling changed when I got married. I want a child with this man. My parents say that when I was 5 I started saying I never want to get married or have children. I feel I jinxed myself. I have no one I can talk to about this situation. No one wants to listen to some one who’s going through infertility with all its ups and downs. It’s not like being pregnant and every one wanting to know the above listed points.
It’s a lonely road I share with myself and my husband. Does it make me less of a wife, not being able to get pregnant? I would hope not, so why should it make me less of a woman if I can’t get pregnant? Why does it make me less of a friend if I’m the only one of us who do not have a child? It shouldn’t, but it does. It all does.
Women in general, I find, do not have a filter when it comes to infertility. They don’t ask their friends “How is the clinic appointments going?”, “Have you guys made in strides in finding out what’s next?”
I guess my conclusion to all of this is women in general need to be more aware of the women who do have fertility issues. What if you were apart of the infertility club?? I’m pretty sure you would feel this way as well. Although, I do need to state that I do not speak for all infertile women and men/couples. But I’m going on my own 5 years of frustration and what I have perceived to be reality.